


You'll Never Know, Dear

by Kitkit777



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sadness, idk what else to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-03-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 00:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1284418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitkit777/pseuds/Kitkit777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco's dying and Jean tries to ease the pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You'll Never Know, Dear

Marco was starting to feel cold. It was such a relief. Finally, _finally_. _It’s over,_ he thought, _thank God. Thank God. It’s over_. His broken body was stuck on that phrase, and he clung to it fiercer than he’d clung to anything else in his life. _It’s over._

He desperately wanted to close his eyes. Maybe he’d see those words on the back of his eyelids and maybe he’d fall into them until they were true. In that moment, he loved the finality of the phrase. It meant that soon there would be absolutely nothing. There would be no more pain and no more empty stomach and no more fear that preyed on his every breath. _It’s over._

“Marco…shit…please, it can’t be over.”

‘It’s over’ also meant no more Jean. No more laughing and no more happiness and no more loving with every fiber of his being. Marco no longer felt drawn to the phrase.

“Jean.”

His voice was so weak. He was terrified that Jean couldn’t hear him. He was terrified that he would die without Jean knowing it wasn’t over yet. Marco wasn’t at peace anymore. He didn’t want to go.

Jean tightened his arms around Marco. It felt nice to be crushed in his embrace.

“Marco, Marco…” Jean was whispering his name over and over and over.

Marco wanted to do the same. He wanted to taste Jean’s name until it was the only word he could say, but Marco couldn’t find the strength to do it. He wanted Jean to _know_ how much he loved him. But he couldn’t…he just couldn’t…and it was so painful. Tears burned his eyes. _Jean!_ He cried out, _Jean, please, you have to understand._

Jean had his face buried in Marco’s neck, and Marco could feel his tears. Jean’s voice shook as he murmured, “I love you, Marco. I love you.”

It broke Marco’s heart that he couldn’t say it back. But his vision was getting blurry, and it hurt to breathe and he wanted to die so badly but he just couldn’t leave Jean. Not yet. _Please, just a bit longer. I want to stay with him just a bit longer_ , he begged—to whom, he didn’t know.

“Marco, does it hurt?” Jean asked. And then he broke completely, and Marco felt Jean’s entire body shaking, and it did hurt.

_Don’t cry, Jean, please. Please, I want to see you smile just one last time before I go. Jean, it hurts so bad, please, don’t cry._

“Do you want me to sing to you, Marco?” Jean said, “My mom used to sing to me when I got sick. Jesus, I don’t know, I just don’t want it to hurt.” Between every other word Jean had to pause to collect himself. With every hitched breath he took, Marco felt as though he was being stabbed.

Quietly, with his arms holding Marco tightly to his chest, Jean began to sing:

 

“ _The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping_

_I dreamt I held you in my arms_

_When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken_

_So I hung my head and cried._ ”

 

Marco held on to every word. He tried his best to remember exactly how Jean’s voice wavered on every note and how he almost pressed his lips to Marco’s skin as he whispered “dear.”

 

“ _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You make me happy, when skies are gray_

_You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you_

_Please don’t take my sunshine away.”_

Jean clasped his fingers with Marco’s. It scared Marco how he almost couldn’t feel Jean’s warmth.

 

“ _In my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me_

_When I awake my poor heart pains_

_So when you come back, and make me happy_

_I’ll forgive you, dear, I’ll take the blame.”_

 

Marco couldn’t feel anything now. His fingers wouldn’t move. Was he still holding Jean’s hand? _I’m so scared, Jean._

 

“ _You are my sunshine…”_

Marco was struggling just to keep breathing. He was very numb. Jean’s thumbs were rubbing circles on his skin, but Marco couldn’t tell which one of them that was supposed to soothe.

 

“ _My only sunshine…”_

There was so much Marco needed to do. He couldn’t die. He _couldn’t_. He took a violent breath. _I want to live. I want to live. I have so much I need to do with you Jean. We’ve never seen the outside world. We’ve never seen the ocean. I want to see everything with you. I want to live._

Jean stopped singing. His tears dripped onto Marco’s face. He was nearly hyperventilating, but he forced himself to keep going.

 

“ _You make me happy, when skies are gray…”_

Marco could feel death creeping about him. It was cold and quiet, but very peaceful. Death was very much like snow, he thought.

 

“ _You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you…”_

Jean’s tears felt distant. Marco was letting Death walk him through the snow. He felt himself being pulled away from Jean, but he wasn’t sad. Jean’s voice was still there, soft and tender.

 

_I’m very tired_ , he thought. He closed his eyes, and with the last bit of energy he had, he smiled. _Jean’s singing me a lullaby._

 

“ _…please don’t take my sunshine away._ ”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's late and I get emotional after midnight. Inspired by this: http://nagisaisaprisonassmotherfucker.tumblr.com/post/78737047869/jean-holding-marco-in-his-arms-as-marco-dies-and


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